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The sistership wound called Envy, and how to deal with it…


Morning TRUTH musings from – The Unexpected Gypsy

Envy versus Inspiration.

Sometimes in our journals or writing we go to dark places and sometimes it is personal, and we don’t share, and sometimes it can be healing to share it, to put it out into the fresh air, to risk it, just in case it is medicine…

How come, sometimes…

How come sometimes, even though you have ridden the roughest, bumpiest, dusty hot roads to get there, – when you finally come out shining, even just for a little while, others find it difficult or even impossible to celebrate with you?

And how come, this can be such a difficult thing to speak the truth about?

I am experiencing this from some places at the moment. From unexpected places, and yes, it hurts. But not so much that it makes me want to shrink back into my hidden hole of hibernation. I have recently come out to shine my true light. My butterflies have been suffocated for too long (by me!) and now burst out in waves of colour. No, – not sorry.

“Envy is the art of counting another’s blessings instead of your own.”

Harold Coffin

And it got me thinking about Envy and what a tricky, sticky emotion that it is. What a nasty little character it can be. We are more comfortable to speak about; guilt, shame and anger. But envy, whoa! Hold the phone, shut the back doors! Stuff that one down with some gin and big fat slice of cake. And hide it deep under a big pile of rugs. Not going there, no way!

Envy is not the same as Jealousy. Envy is not a compliment to Inspiration. It is also not the same energy vibration as feeling Inspiration. Envy is opposite to Inspired. The negative aspect twin of the sisters. Unfortunately, sisters (aka, other women) are good at harming each other with this emotion. It is a challenging one to master.

It’s a dark place to navigate…

And, experiencing someone who is envious of you, copying you, trying to steal ideas, identity, or your ‘you-ness,’ does not feel good. The energy feels yucky. The alignment is off centre. And, even though, so goes the saying, that copying is a high form of flattery. It isn’t. That would be called inspirational. That is the good twin-sister aspect. That FEELS completely different.

The energy is a high, yellow, joyful, vibration.

So, in a way, Inspired is the ‘good’ witch of Envy. There are always good and bad sides to each gift, each emotion. There is always duality. Just as fire gives life, or takes it away. Or a storm can destroy you, or cleanse and heal you.

The person who feels Inspired will tell you, share it with you, celebrate, travel with you, as you both navigate the spiralling path of inevitable highs and lows. It will work in a sequence of continuous inspiration circling and cycling between you.

A cycle of gifting and reciprocity.

The person who feels Envious is in pain. They may feel ashamed around this pain. Shame is the Shut-Down emotion. Shame has the lowest energy vibration (yes, this has been measured) of all, closest to death, with its zero vibration. And they are probably reacting with this Envy (and now Shame is involved too) because they are deeply insecure about that thing, that thing you have, or are doing. Or, that thing they think you have…

and let’s face it, we live in a world surrounded by instagram & fakery everything…

And it is probably all knotted up in their ancestral baggage and their ‘stuff.’ And it is possibly entangled with culture dictations. Of what we should be, what we should have, how fat or thin, what we should look like, be like. Should haves and have-nots. Stupid rules.

This is deeply ingrained from long told Lies and Stories of conditioning. It wakes up Envy, in all of us.

Now, see why this feels so nasty-sticky? Whether from the person experiencing the envy or the person evoking it. Both can feel the energetic vibration of this emotion.

And it definitely is NOT the same thing as flattery because someone feels genuinely inspired.

How do you know if someone (or you) are feeling envious? The first thing, to notice, is a change in behaviours. It will probably involve a pulling away. Envy pulls away from the source of its desires. And the person feeling the envy from another will cut cords too. Once they realise what is happening. This may not happen consciously. They don’t want to feel all the icky ‘stuff’ that belies the person’s energy vibration directed at them. See paragraph above… Quite rightly so, they have their own stuff to process and carry. You can care, without carrying the load of another. So to keep safe, they also pull back.

A hollow appears that wasn’t there before.

Will it be possible to heal and bridge and mend? Can Envy be aired in the sunlight? With respect and care and softness and understanding? Can Envy stop trying to steal identities and uniquenesses? Things that don’t belong to Envy. Are not rightfully hers? Can Envy acknowledge herself, say sorry? Admit? Stop? Centre? Find her own truth and specialness? Be safe and celebrate herself?

Shine her own shine?

What can often happen too is that Envy blames the very person they are envious of. It can get too hot and messy to see through the haze. Envy is confused, can’t find clarity. Envy has to go somewhere. It is a very uncomfortable emotion to sit with for any stretch of time. So it redirects. It channels into a dislike. It will start to feel disdain, maybe even hate, towards the subject of its cause. It will start to verbalise this to them-self and maybe others. Envy may speak badly of the other. It can sky-rocket very quickly out of control.

It is Hard and Brave work to bring it back to a calm cool centre.

BOTH parties feel this energy. Sometimes Inspiration dims, shrinks its own light. To put an end to all these discomforts caused by Envy. Inspiration will hide under a great big bush and maybe won’t come out for a very long time. Its wings have been clipped, it did a bad thing, created all that envy in another person… Inspiration loses her glorious crown. It falls into a deep pit, a rabbit hole, its own downward spiral of confusion over someone else’s ‘stuff.’ It may start the pattern over, repeating. Directing Envy at some other source of Inspiration…

Fueling more sister-ship wounding.

This is the old way. This is the pattern of destruction. What if we changed it? What if we broke it, and smashed it up with Warrior Swords of Goddess Steel? What if we said ‘no!’ What if we got REALLY truthful around this emotion called Envy?

What if we saw it as a Divine Sign?

An important loud-shouting message that something was missing from our own life. Something so vital to our soul, to our very existence.

That elusive, lost piece?

And that right now we didn’t have it. But we could NAME it and SEE it now. It wasn’t abstract. It was just ‘over-there.’ Envy had actually shown us the very thing we had been searching to pinpoint all this time.

What if we could alchemise Envy into Inspiration?

Discovering treasure, finding the diamonds. Using the energy to FIRE up our bellies, into to very direction we wanted to go?

Envy is a message. Envy is a gift.

How we use it is up to us.

I would love to hear your comments on these morning musings, so feel welcomed to write below. Thanks for reading my post. Xx



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  1. Claire Saul says...

    Thanks for sharing on the SundayBlogshare, this really made me think – I have shared a link to your great post on PainPals regular feature Monday Magic – Inspiring Blogs for You, Claire

  2. Angela Noel says...

    As I read this I thought of all the times I’ve pulled away from others due to envy. The story I told myself about my withdrawal often included many excuses, or blame, for the person I wanted to love but couldn’t because my own ego got in the way. In more recent years, I see this emotion for what it is. I call it out, acknowledge it, expose it, forgive it. I count my own blessings and ask myself, “am I enough?” When I answer that question honestly, envy disappears and love remains. I can, as you say, be inspired by their success, accomplishments, talents, and good old fashioned hard work. But, for me it starts with that important question. Thank you for the thought-provoking post!

    • Wendy replied...

      I love this Angela, thanks so much for opening up here. Such a wonderful way to get free of this tricky emotion. Am I enough… Thanks so much for posting this. Xx

  3. Anindya Rakshit says...

    Beautifully written….and so very true……envy and jealousy are the mother of all emotions and controls so much of us…..:)…..nicely done.

    • Wendy replied...

      Thanks Anindya, really appreciate your feedback.