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Learning some difficult lessons…


Moving forwards on many levels…


Lots of life lessons learned in the past two years since choosing a nomadic lifestyle. Some enlightening and joyful and some challenging and painful. I repeat the mantra… ‘I am calm, I am safe, I am loved AND I am learning,’ everyday. If I mess up, which I invariably and regularly do, I ask myself; ‘what can I learn from this?’ Rather than, ‘why did I do that?’ I think I have written about this before… Moving forwards into the soul I wholly am and not giving value to a little squeaky ego part crying ‘me, me, me’, or ‘I am so ashamed!’


I take a deep breath and pause and move into that quiet space and putting my hand on my heart… I listen… I question where my motives are coming from and is it from a place of pure intent and true honour? I have also learned to accept myself with all of those difficult emotions, they are part of who I AM. A long while ago I found this quote, and I love it…

“NOT to compromise is one of the basic, essential principles to follow, if you want to find truth in its purity and full glory”


Just before finding the quote I found myself in an unusually difficult scenario of radically disagreeing with the way something really important was being handled. I didn’t want to add the fuel of my disappointment and indeed anger in some parts to an already volatile situation. I didn’t know what to do. At the same time, I was grieving the loss of someone close to me and this was by far more important. But, someone could have been badly hurt and to ignore it would have been a ‘compromise of my basic and essential principles,’ and I wanted to protect that person… But how?


I took a lot of deep breaths and patiently gave myself time to find the answers. I sat quietly and questioned and listened and I wrote in my journal. I didn’t need to vocalise my anger I just needed to acknowledge it to myself privately and allow it and recognise that it was there to protect my sacred boundaries of right and wrong – ‘my basic principles.’ To ignore that would be a dishonour to myself. I also made sure that the person was safe from the hurt, and, once I knew that I stepped back, right back. It was as if all the drama was being acted out in a desert mirage, too far away to see. And I found great peace in which to experience the loss and grief I was feeling. No anger, no blame, no judgement, but at the same time a great honouring of MYself, MY morals and the core of what I truly believe.


If ego doesn’t get in the way, that part of us that needs to be right regardless. And, if we neither want nor need to ‘win’ anymore; we find our TRUTH. Well, that is where I have found mine. And, over the years, I have had great difficulty finding the right balance to express this TRUTH ‘out there’ in my life. I often get it wrong. But on that occasion, I got it right. And I celebrate it!


I will keep learning. I will keep on trying to find and keep my balance. I strive to be the best me only I can be. And I find this process challenging for sure and it is alienating me from ego based communications. A close friend of mine told me once; “you have a very low tolerance for inauthenticity.” And I am happy with that because I CHOOSE not to compromise my core values and beliefs. I want to live my life in truth and honour otherwise I would see it as a wasted one. X


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