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Living in that in-between-place (part3)

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Just sitting with my cup of tea, asking myself the question of; ‘what do I want next?’ And, for the past few months I really didn’t know. I am starting to see. I am starting to realise that even the short-term, in-the-moment choices we make can massively impact the course of life. And, that it REALLY matters to me more than ever now. It’s hard to explain the complete ‘unsettledness’ that goes hand in hand with the absolute (joyous) freedom of living a slow-travel and nomadic lifestyle. We have had no home, nest, base for over three and a half years now. That feels like quite a chunk. I miss a lot of things.

I miss having a familiarity of my surroundings. I miss knowing where everything is. I miss having space. I miss not having to think about where to & what next? I miss not having to make so many decisions every single day. I miss having an art and creative space where I can make a mess. I miss the ease of having my own bathroom and washing machine! I miss being able to roll my yoga mat out and leave it on the floor. I especially miss having my own BATH! I miss that reassuring feeling I get when I KNOW where home is and it is consistently the same place! I had no idea I would miss any of these things when we set off all that time ago. I also miss something that I have not been able to quite pin-point too; that ‘thing’ that just makes me feel safe.

Maybe it sounds like I have a ton of regrets. But no, I don’t. I just acknowledge all my thoughts and feelings surrounding my current lifestyle and choices, after all they were my choices. I think right now that I would love a home again. Somewhere rural with lovely walks right on the doorstep and lots of home comforts too! Then I can stretch out in my space. I can; have a studio again, have a house to clean and keep for me and my man, have a kitchen big enough to get experimental in and make yummy treats and make a creative arty mess! I can play with my sewing machine again, – pure joy! I can hang up my clothes so they are not all squished (no, I never did quite master the whole minimalist wardrobe thing!)

But, even in this in-between-place I am still creating art. It’s just a slower and sometimes more frustrating process than it would be if I had an art space. At the moment I am trying to finalise a pile of paintings. I find the decision making process at the finish line so challenging and tiring. But, same as anything in life, you need to push, push through, if it’s what you want. So, watch this space for more finished paintings (it’s been a while!) and maybe, maybe a new home will be on the horizon…..

Read Living in that in-between-place part 1 here and part 2 here…



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